Introduction:

WE’VE ALL HEARD THE MYTHS...

• My child will never talk.
• My child can’t be helped.
• Cold and distant parenting causes Autism.
• All Autistic children are like “Rain Man.”
• My child won’t smile or show affection.
• If a treatment doesn’t have clinical research behind it, it is not useful.
• Alternative therapies are not useful.
• Autism can be cured solely by nutrition.
• Autistic people are all alike.
• My child doesn’t have feelings.
• Autistic people don’t build relationships.
• Autistic people are a danger to society.
• All Autistic people are savants.
• Most Autistic people have no language skills.
• Autistic people can’t do much of anything.
• Autistic children are just spoiled and misbehaved.

NOW READ THE FACTS...

As a parent of a child with Special Needs, how many times has someone attempted to comfort you with the words “It’s okay, you know that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, don’t you?”

Perhaps you have even spoken this phrase yourself. I’m pretty sure that I have at one time or another. For parents of children with special needs, this statement reflects a shimmer of hope off a sometimes-desperate situation. We want so badly to feel God’s loving, comforting hand in the midst of our trials.

But then I began to wonder – when did God ever reveal this little ‘gem’ to us? Did Jesus ever utter these words? Did the Apostle Paul? John? James? King David? So, I began to look into it. The fact of the matter is that this frequently used motto was never once used in the Bible. No where. So where did it come from? Are we actually misrepresenting the will of our Father when we use it?

This study is intended to present Biblical truths that speak to this issue. I pray that God will reveal His love for you and His intentions to NEVER leave you alone, even in your most trying circumstances.

Have you noticed the Bible is full of gardening references? Of the 32 parables mentioned in the New International Version of the Bible, one-quarter of them are about gardening. In several Bible verses, God is referred to as the gardener.

• John 15:1 states “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.”
• Genesis 1 describes God’s creation of vegetation that produced fruit and seeds on the third day, even before he separated the day from the night on the fourth day.
• Genesis 2: 8-9 states “Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. And the Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground – trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food.”

What is the first thing God put in the garden he planted? Man. That’s right. God not only planted all kinds of trees, He ‘planted’ Adam there. In this study, we will look at God’s ability to plant us in the right place, to prune out the canes in our lives, and to help us bear much fruit!

Did you ever play “house” as a child? I always get a kick out of watching my kids and their friends play house. Everyone has a favorite role to play and they are not shy about demanding that they get to play the role they desire. “I am the dad!” one child says. “You were the dad last time! I am the dad today,” another replies. “Okay, I’ll be the son” and so on until each of the roles are filled. If there are not enough kids, some volunteer to take on multiple roles!!

Isn’t that still the case? Regardless of our age, there are still roles to be played – mom, dad, scout leader, chauffeur, cook, dog walker, etc… - and we are required to fill them! In families with children with special needs, there are even more roles to be filled – home therapist, counselor, advocate, etc… In all families, role definition can be tricky, but in families with children with special needs, these roles are more easily confused, reversed, and all together messed up!

This series of studies has been designed to help lend some clarity and insight to our identity and roles. We will study each of the players in our game of ‘house.’ What are the roles that need to be filled? Who is filling them? And, we will study the Bible – God’s Holy Word – to give us insight and direction into whom should be playing each role and how the Bible says it should be played.

When Donna and I received Surreia’s diagnosis of Autism, we felt as if we ad been dropped off in the middle of a foreign country, surrounded by people whom we did not understand and who could not understand us. Terminology such as receptive language, pervasive developmental disorder, gluten, casein, leaky-gut, and stimming was all around us. We found ourselves amongst people whose children acted much differently than we were accustomed to.

As Surreia grew and became vocal and mobile, people would stop and stare at how strangely (naughtily) she behaved. Many of our friends and family began to withdraw. We have spoken with many parents of children with special needs and hear again and again: “People just don’t understand!” For the most part, this is true. Each child with special needs speaks a unique language. They are wired differently. They speak differently. They act differently. They see the world differently.

As we advocate for our daughter, we frequently find that we expect people to understand her unique language. Should we expect people to understand her language? In this lesson, we will look at a story from the book of Acts where speaking the language of the listeners had an awesome impact for the Kingdom of Heaven. We will then try to learn from this passage and apply it to our lives as it relates to our children with special needs.

Throughout the Bible, we read stories of sibling rivalry, sibling jealousy, and sibling strife. Cain killed Abel out of jealously that Abel’s offering to God was viewed more favorably. Esau was upset with Jacob for selling his birthright for a bowl of stew. Esau planned to kill Jacob after Jacob deceived his father Isaac into giving Jacob the family blessing. Martha rebuked Jesus for allowing Mary to listen to His teachings while Martha was left to do all of the preparations.
Sibling rivalries and jealousy can have profoundly negative effects on our families. In families affected by children with special needs, these rivalries and jealousies are even more apt to occur. In this study, we will take an in-depth look at stories of sibling rivalry and jealousy from the Bible in hopes of learning how to recognize, understand, and deal constructively with sibling rivalry and jealousy in families affected by children with special needs.

“Hi God, it’s me, Eric. Thank you for being such an awesome God. Thank you for the blessings you shower on me daily. I know you are an all-knowing God, an all powerful God, a loving God, and a just God. I know you cannot stand it when I sin. I know I have not been a good disciple and have not forged the relationship with you that I ought to have. As a matter of fact, I am ashamed to say that I am repeatedly a member of the 0% club – as in, I have kept from breaking 0% of your Ten Commandments. For the many sins of my day, I ask your forgiveness.

Heavenly Father, I know you don’t expect me to be perfect. That’s why you sent your son, Jesus, to live among us and to die for us – a sin sacrifice. I know, that through this selfless act of love, I have been washed clean from my own sins.

So God, I’m wondering, “Why does Surreia have Autism?” I can’t imagine you would punish my sinfulness by afflicting my daughter with this terrible condition. I don’t believe in fate, God, because you are in control of all of creation. I know you have a plan for our lives and for Surreia’s life, but where does Autism fit in?? God, I am not upset (although at times I must admit I am confused by all of this). Help me understand…”

I have spoken these words to God on many occasions. During a recent conversation with my father, he shared with me that he too has struggled with his granddaughter’s Autism. It was then that he shared with me where he found his answers – John 9. As I read the verses and the accompanying pages of a Bible commentary, I too gained a deeper understanding of God’s plan for Surreia and her time here on Earth.

I cannot begin to explain the weariness that comes through raising a child with special needs. The uncertainty, the efforts to balance life’s demands, and the constant nagging voice inside me saying ‘Are you sure you’ve done enough?’ wears me down. When I factor in my need to ‘be in control’ and the worry that accompanies that need, it’s a miracle that I’ve maintained my sanity for as long as I have.

Fortunately, the God who created and loves us has provided many Biblical lessons on this subject. This series of studies will guide you through some of these passages.

I honestly thought raising children would be much easier than it actually is. There are days when I feel like I just don’t have the energy to be a parent. There are times – as I fold basket after basket of laundry – it seems I do have a busload of dirty-sock-producing, grass-staining kids. There are evenings when I push the kids so quickly through the brush teeth – potty – wash hands – jammies on – say prayers – lights out routine that I feel guilty about it. I routinely pray for God to make me a better parent.

So where do we turn for answers on parenting? According to a 2006 study (BMRB Omnibus Study, 2006), we turn first to family and friends and secondly to television. Another study, done in 2001, revealed that eighty-two percent of parents intentionally watch television shows that offer parenting advice; of that eighty-two percent, ninety-five percent find the advice to be helpful! Go Oprah!

Despite my best efforts, I could not find a single study that indicated parents consult the Bible for advice. 1 John 3:1 says:
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”
God calls us his children. So who better for us to learn our parenting skills from than our Heavenly Father? The Bible is rich with direction and guidance for parents.